HI Sam: Humanity, Inc. This is Sam. How may I help you today?
Frazzled Mom: Hello, tech support? Yes, I’m calling in regards to a malfunctioning CHILD unit?
HI Sam: Make and model?
Frazzled Mom: Yes, this is in regards to a MALE 2004 CHILD unit.
HI Sam: What seems to be the problem m’am?
Frazzled Mom: The
unit was functioning great until a few months ago. It performed well in
the areas of DISPOSITION, THOUGHTFULNESS, MOOD, and RESPECT, had
moderate performance in EATING and HYGIENE and usually performed
adequately in CHORES and CONVERSATION. Though it could glitch in these
areas on occasion...
HI Sam: Yes, this all seems to fall under the expected operating parameters for that model. What seems to be the problem?
Frazzled Mom: Well,
recently the unit received an automatic upgrade to the TEEN operating
system, and now it seems to be underperforming and/or experiencing
glitches in all of those areas. The RESPECT and CONVERSATION programs
seem to be constantly bugging out, MOOD seems to be operating at the
lowest possible level 95% of the time, then jumps unexpectedly to high
levels for brief periods of time before plummeting once again with no
notice or obvious cause. EATING seems to use an immense amount of energy
which affects SLEEP mode, especially in the mornings. When we attempt
to engage the unit in CONVERSATION mode, if it responds at all, it does
so with a curt “whatever” or a sigh of disgust. We would really like to
revert back to the PRETEEN operating system. Can you help us out with
that?
HI Sam: I’m sorry m’am,
but the automatic upgrade to the TEEN operating system is permanent. I’m
afraid that it isn’t possible to revert to the previous OS. We are
working on a new operating system called NEW ADULT which should solve
many of the issues you are currently experiencing, but it won’t be ready
for installation on that unit for approximately six years.
Frazzled Mom: So
what you are telling me is that you automatically updated our CHILD
units’ operating system to one that has known issues, and now we can’t
even go back to the last known version that worked reasonably well?
HI Sam: That is correct.
Frazzled Mom: That
is unacceptable! I’d like to speak to your supervisor about this. We’ve
been loyal customers of your company for 13 years now. We stuck by you
through the early INFANT operating system when it experienced issues
with the CRYING and TOILET TRAINING programs.
HI Sam: Yes, those were some tough years...
Frazzled Mom: And we worked with the unit until it was able to run the WALK and SPEECH programs on its own after the TODDLER upgrade...
HI Sam: Yes, and we thank you for sticking with us through those trying times...
Frazzled Mom: But this latest upgrade... it seems to be the worst yet. Are you telling me that it will function like this for YEARS?!
HI Sam: Well,
yes m’am. There may be some minor upgrades to some of the programs, but
the OS is here to stay for the foreseeable future...
Frazzled Mom: Well that is just awful customer service. Isn’t there anything that you can do? Can we trade the unit in?
HI Sam: I’m
sorry m’am, but we have a strict no returns, no exchanges policy. There
is not much that can be done at this point. There are some facilities
that you could send the unit to in order to try and improve performance.
The local facilities tend to work on the units for a few hours a day
during the week, or there are off-site facilities that take in the units
for intense programming, but they are generally quite costly, and time
consuming. By the time they complete the reprogramming, the NEW ADULT OS
should be ready for installation.
Frazzled Mom: Well thanks for nothing!
HI Sam: Is there anything else I can assist you with today m’am?
Frazzled Mom: We also have a CHILD unit that is a 2007 model. Is there a way to prevent it from receiving the TEEN upgrade?
HI Sam: Well, no m’am. We can delay it for two or three years, but there comes a point where the upgrade cannot be avoided any longer.
Frazzled Mom: So
what you are telling me is that soon we will have not one, but two
malfunctioning CHILD units running on the TEEN operating system?
HI Sam: Yes m’am. I’m sorry m’am.
